Inner Voice Lyrics - Adam Sandler

1 I'm happily married with a house and three mistresses

2 Even with the beard I'm not as hairy as my sister is

3 Got a new Hummer, two Ferraris, and some Lexuses

4 And all the girls I know got the big big breasteses

5 I got a ten story mansion on the beach

6 With a swimmin' pool filled up with the drool of Robin Leach

7 Richer than a Twinkie, I got so much cash

8 That to me Paris Hilton is poor white trash

9 I take forty-seven weeks of vacation a year

10 If people piss me off I can make 'em disappear

11 Every time I sneeze I get a feature on the news

12 The reporter says "gesundheit" and hilarity ensues

13 And how did I get to be the man that I am?

14 A god among men, only without the tan

15 It's simple, every time I have to make a choice

16 I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says

17 "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils"

18 OK

19 "Steal all the milk from all the supermarkets and put it

20 back in the cows"

21 Alright

22 "Find out which species of rodent is the most flammable"

23 OK

24 "Let's see what fun crafts we can make using only a chainsaw

25 and Regis Philbin"

26 Yeah!

27 So how do I explain my little cranial expressions

28 Intuition, premonition, or demonic possession?

29 It could be God, an angel, or my dead uncle Paul

30 Or that nasty purple fuzzy thing that lives in my wall

31 Doesn't matter, and to be honest I don't wanna know

32 'Cause thanks to him I've never had to deal with an HMO

33 And I can go show off my rocket powered solid gold Benz

34 I tell ya life is no much nicer with invisible friends

35 "Record an all-banjo Falco tribute album"

36 Done, and done.

37 "Put on a tutu, glue two live wiener dogs to your face, and

38 prance around the subway terminal screaming 'Stop looking at me!'"

39 OK

40 "There's no reason not to have sex with a cheese grater."

41 Hmm, no, I suppose not.

42 "Set up a stand outside of K-Mart with a plate full of frozen peas

43 and a sign reading 'Take one!' If anyone asks you what the hell

44 your doing, give them a button that says 'I asked about the peas!'"

45 He's become my best friend, sticks with me to the end

46 Thanks to him I'll never live on Ramen noodles again

47 And he's always by my side, every minute, every hour

48 Though it does get kinda creepy when I'm trying to take a shower

49 Still I can't complain 'cause he made me rich

50 And figured out it was the opossum milk that made me itch

51 If it seems weird remember the voice made me do it

52 I don't question what he says I just get up and get to it

53 "Itemize everything in your cat's litter box for the next seven years

54 and mail a report to the President with a note saying 'Here!'"

55 Good idea

56 "It's time to find out what urinal cakes taste like"

57 If you say so

58 "Get a black and white horizontally striped suit, a mask,

59 and a bowling ball with a small length of rope hanging from it,

60 and tiptoe around the airport."

61 Sounds like fun

62 "How old does a baby need to be before it's too big

63 to fit down the toilet?"

64 I don't know. Let's find out.

65 "Keep swallowing magnets until your farts can erase video tapes."

66 Will do

67 So to that guy in my head I just wanna say thanks

68 For removin' my angst, so I'm no longer shootin' blanks

69 And now I own several banks, plus an inflatable watch

70 And paid Justin Timberlake to let me kick him in the crotch

71 I followed his advice and now I'm makin' major duckets

72 If it wasn't for him I'd still be processing McNuggets

73 So when life makes you feel like you should've stayed in bed

74 Just listen to the voice in your head, and he'll say

75 "Fat people are full of toys. Go get some!"

76 Yeah!

77 "Build a 20 foot tall nude statue of Tony Goldmark licking

78 warm margarine off a malnourished dolphin out of onions,

79 pez, and lint."

80 With pleasure!

81 "If Yanni didn't want to be set on fire and shoved down

82 a flight of stairs, surely he would have said so explicitly by now."

83 Yeah, I guess so.

84 "Go to a McDonald's Playland, tie that big Officier Big Mac

85 thing to the back of your car, and drive away at 90 mph. When a

86 cop pulls you over, roll down the window and indignantly ask 'WHAT?'"

87 You got it!

88 "Move to New Jersey and become a comedy rap artist."

89 Oh... do I have to?