The Goat Song Lyrics - Adam Sandler

1 I am a simple goat

2 I live on the back of a pick-up truck

3 The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope

4 Am I happy he don't give a fuck

5 "Hey goat im going to beat your head in with a hickory stick"

6 Somtimes he uses his fists

7 He's filled with anger, and filled with rage

8 And tells me I smell like piss

9 His drink, Jimmy Bean

10 His chaser, a beer

11 After that, various alcohols

12 That's when the beatings get so severe

13 Asleep I pray he falls

14 But don't feel sorry for me

15 Things weren't always this bad

16 Why, when I was a young talking goat

17 The Old Man was just like my dad

18 I come from the hills of Europe

19 That's where I met the Old Man

20 He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions

21 He gave me a tuna can

22 Then he stopped in his tracks

23 And he said, "Hey Goat!

24 Would you like to live with me?

25 I've got a house with a pick-up truck

26 In a place across the sea"

27 I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family

28 You seem like a nice guy"

29 So we went off to America

30 The home of apple pie

31 On the boat, the Old Man told me

32 I would be a present for his wife

33 "A talking goat!" he exclaimed,

34 "She'd never seen this in her life"

35 I felt so special!

36 Well, I just couldn't believe it

37 After all these years I finally had a friend

38 He trimmed my beard

39 He scraped my hooves

40 I prayed it would never end

41 But when we got to his house

42 There was no wife

43 Only a short, short letter

44 It said: "I'm leaving you for your brother

45 Because he fucks me better"

46 His eyes filled with tears of sadness

47 His heart was filled with grief

48 To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad

49 And beat me like a side of beef

50 I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!"

51 He just shook his head and said, "Nope!

52 No one will ever leave me again

53 To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope."

54 Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years

55 My only friend is the AM radio

56 Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by

57 But it's always rocks and beer bottles that they throw

58 At first they're excited to see a talking goat

59 They gather around to hear what I have to say

60 But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long

61 So they leave and giggle I need a bidet

62 But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck

63 When the Old Man was passed out drunk

64 Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert

65 The kind of music, old-school funk

66 It was the first time I got off the truck

67 The music made me lose control

68 The lead singer asked if we were having fun

69 I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!"

70 The women at the show were beautiful

71 As they danced sexily on the soft grass

72 One of them even petted my fur

73 Fuck me in the goat-ass!

74 Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns

75 And threw me in the mosh pit

76 They passed me around and treated me nice

77 Till I nerviously sprayed them with shit

78 Then the music stopped

79 And everything was quite

80 And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot

81 Kill the goat!

82 Kill the goat!

83 Kill the goat!

84 Kill the goat!

85 They chased me under the bleachers

86 They chased me onto the street

87 They chased me into an alley

88 And said I was a dead fucking goat meat

89 But then I saw a sight

90 That I never thought I'd see

91 The Old Man swinging his hickory stick

92 But he wasn't swinging at me

93 "Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys!

94 Don't you press your luck!"

95 The long hairs ran away screaming

96 As I scrambled onto the truck

97 When we got home, the Old Man said,

98 "Goat, you broke the sacred law

99 No! Please! Sorry! Shit!

100 I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again

101 I'll break your fucking jaw!"

102 Super! Great! Okay!

103 "Thank you Old Man, for saving my life

104 Thank you again and again

105 You could have let them barbeque me,

106 But you acted like a friend"

107 "I'm not your friend, I don't even like you

108 I'm just not drunk," he said

109 To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol

110 And beat the fucking shit out of my head.

111 That night a suffered a concusion deep inside my goat brain

112 I still cannot feel my tailbone

113 And Ill probaby never walk straight again

114 I guess you'd call me a scapegoat

115 A punching bag for the Old Man to mock

116 Just because his wife left him

117 For his brother's abnormally large cock

118 He could have been my buddy

119 But instead he's a crazy old fuck

120 And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home

121 The back of the pick-up truck

122 Goodnight, Old Man!

123 Yeah, goodnight Goat!