The Lonesome Kicker Lyrics - Adam Sandler

1 Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker

2 Extra points, field goals at your service

3 One might think it comes with glory

4 You might think different after you listen to my story

5 My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask

6 What it possibly could protect, I do not know

7 The other guys on the team

8 Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads

9 And also like to hide the special shoe

10 I need to kick in the snow

11 People think it's so easy

12 To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line

13 They forget to add seven yards for the snap

14 And 10 more 'cause the goal posts are pushed way back

15 In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line

16 But some of the players were running into them

17 And getting hurt

18 So screw the kicker

19 Who cares about the kicker?

20 But I kick that ball

21 And I pray it goes straight

22 If it does

23 The coach says "Good job, number 8"

24 He doesn't even know my name is

25 Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr.

26 But that's the life I live

27 The Lonesome Kicker

28 Kickoffs can be so very scary

29 Especially, if the returner breaks on through

30 And I'm the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him

31 I don't want to get hurt

32 So I pretend to tie my shoe

33 Once again, I'm ignored by my teammates and all my coaches

34 "Go back where you came from!"

35 Scream 70,000 fans

36 Well, I know I could win their love back

37 By catching a winning touch-down

38 But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands

39 And I hope that the cameras don't come in too close

40 'Cause they might see the tears in my eyes

41 As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood

42 And the splinters go deep in my thighs

43 And the towel boy snickers as he walks by

44 The Lonesome Kicker

45 Another blocked kick

46 And everybody blames me

47 But it was the Left Guard

48 Who didn't pick up his man

49 Oh, why can't they see...

50 In my home country

51 I could have been a minor league soccer player

52 But I came to America

53 Seeking fortune and seeking fame

54 I didn't realize that if I shanked one

55 and blew the point spread

56 Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi

57 After the game

58 So I go home at night

59 'Cause I never get invited

60 To go drinking with the other guys

61 And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot

62 As I eat a plate of cold french fries

63 And my wife's out with her quote-unquote friend

64 And my son can't look me in the eyes

65 But that's the life I live

66 The Lonesome Kicker

67 Kicking for you

68 They took my snow shoe

69 They're going for two

70 Oooh, ooh ooh