Ex-Boyfriend Lyrics - Lil Dicky

1 Ey what's going on man?

2 It's your boy Lil Dicky

3 A.K.A Mr. Leftward-Sloping Penis

4 I got a story for y'all man

5 Peep this

6 Yessir

7 [Verse 1: Lil Dicky]

8 Now I been datin this girl named Katie, she hot as hell

9 And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it dont smell

10 And I don't fall for chickens

11 But this one a little different

12 Body sickening

13 Plus she really good at making breaded chicken

14 Got me thinkin she the one man

15 Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man

16 Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close

17 I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd

18 Oh yeah there's one more thing

19 And I know this shit gonna sound insane

20 But I still haven't hit it

21 I admit it, I wish I was kidding

22 Never been up inside before

23 Because shes only fucked one guy before

24 And though I really wanna boink this whore

25 She ma sweetie 3.14

26 So I'm stayin patient, and masturbating

27 And now ma heart is sorta racing

28 Cuz she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating

29 Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm bout to go all out

30 I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake

31 But on the way to crib, we pass this kid

32 And he seem to know who Katie is

33 So I say "who this" and she say

34 Dicky, this is my ex boyfriend Jim"

35 [Hook 1: Lil Dicky]

36 And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

37 But as I'm lookin at this dude I can't believe my eyes

38 Cuz he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life

39 He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod

40 Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian god

41 And now I'm lookin at ma chick, cuz his dick's been inside her rawww

42 [Verse 2: Lil Dicky]

43 Awww damn

44 Man this is crazy

45 I can't believe this guy used to fuck ma lady

46 I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti

47 Katie's huggin and squeezing his shoulder blades

48 And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay

49 And then they say, "let's get drinks" so I say okay

50 Even though I was about to get laid!

51 Man this mafucka look like Ashton

52 Combined wit a lil Hugh Jackman

53 In other words, he's so damn attractive

54 So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him

55 Now I'm in the back wit him, sippin on some 'gnac wit him

56 And he payin for it all, he investment bankin...

57 I'm acting, like i ain't distracted

58 But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin

59 And now I'm feelin pissed, so I go and take a piss

60 Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is

61 And I had to see, and I was mad discrete

62 And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek

63 Oh my god becky, look at that cock

64 [Hook 2: Lil Dicky]

65 And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type

66 But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes

67 Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life

68 And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lotta hate

69 Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate

70 And I don't know if I can date ma girl after tonighttttt

71 Aw damn

72 [Verse 3: Lil Dicky]

73 I don't know what to do

74 Dude's dick is really huge

75 I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth

76 I know she's missin that

77 My penis isn't that

78 I'm lookin closer I think that his dick has abs

79 Six pack on a dick

80 Now what the fuck is that

81 It's so long and thick

82 It's like a punching bag

83 I'm sayin it's so shaven, head is amazing

84 Got ma dick looking like a raisin

85 Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy

86 What the fuck should I do?

87 He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive thru....

88 I think it's time to

89 Tell Katie ma goodbyes

90 Cuz I simply can't survive

91 After seeing what was in between his thighs

92 So I tell her

93 [Hook 3: Lil Dicky]

94 That this dude's gotta dick that I don't comprehend

95 I had to move ma neck to see it end to end

96 I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense

97 And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end

98 Because the sex with him must have been the best

99 And I would say let's just be friends

100 But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye

101 Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say

102 Because I dated this dude in second grade

103 So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid

104 And then I took her to ma crib, and you know that we barely slept

105 And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came

106 I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh

107 And upper mid-section region

108 You can call that the pelvis

109 Some would even call that the pubic bone

110 Leave the pubes at home

111 Making this up on the spot

112 Fuck you know about it

113 I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it